One? Two? What’s the Magic Number?

As the father of two children (adopted from GLA in 2004) who certainly don’t look like me (they are way better looking), I find myself drawn to Kevin Hofmann’s writing.    He very eloquently speaks to the dynamics of growing up black in a white family and a white world.  

I found this article particularly important for three reasons:

• I get asked a similar question by a lot of adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents:  “Am I going to want more than one Haitian child in my family?”    “Is my Haitian child going to want to “not be the token non-white” in the family?”
• I think he raises a point that often gets missed.   The number of people in a family who are “chocolate” vs. “vanilla” often isn’t as important as the attitudes that are portrayed by the various family members about race, the color of their skin etc.
• When I look at my individual family, the dynamics have changed since our youngest bio daughter (aka white kid) went off to college.    Now for a substantial portion of the school year, the number of white and black people in our family is equal.   Does that change anything for us?   No, it doesn’t.    But I’ve seen some interesting reactions from the “public” while that’s been the case.   For instance, last summer, I’m at the Chicago Children’s Museum with my two Haitian kids (my wife was actually at GLA at that point).   I had two different parents say something, in a nice but confused manner, about the fact that they didn’t realize they were my kids.   I commented back, “What, you mean you can’t see the resemblance?”   *Smiles came out when they realized I wasn’t offended by it.*

If you are part of a transracial family or are considering becoming part of a transracial family, read Kevin’s article.   It’s worth your time…..

Tom

Should Transracial Families Adopt Another Child of Color? « My Mind on Paper

“Did you ever want a brother or sister growing up who looked like you?”

As a transracial adoptee, author and speaker, whenever I go speak and share my experiences growing up as a TRA I often get this question. My answer is very simple yet very layered so I hope that everyone can follow me.

“No.” This is usually the response I give and I often get puzzled looks and then I see the parents gently lean forward urging me to continue. So I gladly do and here is my complete response:

As an adoptee one of the issues I have always struggled with is my constant battle with rejection. No matter how or why, in the end my mother gave me away. It doesn’t matter whether it was the right decision for her or me, in the end the woman who gave birth to me chose not to keep me. With that decision came a feeling of not being good enough or not being wanted. Growing up I would feed the need to be accepted and liked by shoving spoonful after spoonful of attention in to my soul. I inhaled attention because it calmed and quieted the whispers that said, “No one likes you! You’re not worthy.”

Read the rest at One or More?

Haiti, God’s Littlest Angels, Orphans, TransRacial Adoption

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